Ok so after figuring out that 1) This thing doesn't prime when the key is turned to ON, because it's not supposed to (neat!), and that 2) it has TWO fuel pump relays (FML), i've discovered a few things.
A) Fuel pump turns on, has power
2) Still doesn't run for more than a few seconds at a time, and cranks for a LONNNGGGG time
iii) Does not make fuel pressure, after about 30 seconds of running the pump (jumped at relay #2) it generated a whopping 3-4psi. Backed up by not much fuel spraying around when the test adapter was removed.
iii.5) still didn't make fuel pressure when the return line was clamped closed with some pliers.
Basically.... pump works (at least as far as i can tell so far), but isn't pressurizing the system. I suspect a botched install. Will pull the pump in the morning and investigate. Good thing i paid a shop to do all this, right? :unamused: